Personal Experiences

(Meeting with my godhead)


The first experiences I can remember were with my godhead.

During my first years of life I grew up in a strictly Christian-orientated family. God was described to me as a male person (father), who lived in the sky high over me. He was so far away from us that living people could never get him to face. When we died, we had to leave our relatives and friends to live in the distant sky with him. This God saw on every single person down and watched him oder her exactly. Bad people were punished by him. When a thunderstorm arose, it was said: "The dear God scolds you!"

Why did a dear God punish people? Why did this God fetch people so selfishly to himself who were loved and missed by their partners and their children on earth? He ruled about kingdom of heaven so that the deceaseds were his subjects. Was power more important for him than the sorrow, that he caused for the people who stayed behind alone on earth? Why could he see us people when he was so far anyway from us?

My godhead was different. I heard his words in the thunder and I felt a force, which was much stronger than any force I otherwise knew. I knew it would be foolishly to want to compete with this force. However, I also knew, if I accepted this force, never something would happen to me through this. I could gather nothing bad from the words of my godhead. I loved thunderstorms!

I saw the thousand of faces of my godhead when I watched the clouds from my bed in the evening. Sometimes I discovered the form of a sheep or a cow or a dragon or a tree or a mountain and sometimes also a man-like shape. It always seemed deferentially, but never bad.

Sometimes it painted so gentle my face as a warm summer wind. But some other time it was high-spirited, a child like me, and blew with leaves against me so that I had to make an effort just to get on. My godhead was powerful, but it wasn't a punitive divinity and it was a nature which I could see, hear and feel.

If I had once again turned something in my impetuous curiosity and was afraid of punishment by the adults, it got quite natural for me to ask my godhead for help. As a good buddy it helped me from the paw again and again.


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